The holidays this year has got me to do a lot of thinking... On one end, I can finally see what those songs are about. The feeling of having someone during this season is indescribable. I just feel so much... love. No matter what else is going on around me, what other stresses are putting me down... It's a truly wonderful feeling hearing holiday songs, walking around in this shivering weather observing holiday cheer all around, and all the while knowing, you have someone out there who truly loves you.

And then at times I get a bit sad when I think of all the typical things I've dreamed of doing with a special someone. Introducing them to all my family, friends, and loved ones. Seeing them get along so well... and having each other around to share the holidays with. Welcoming each other to some of the utmost personal parts of our lives, and becoming a part of that. I know every situation is different, and I can't let my life be ruled by my expectations... but sometimes it's a tough thought to swallow. Could it ever happen one day?

Right when I start to believe again, it comes crashing down. Why does that happen? I feel like I'm back on square one. I hate that despite how independent, confident, and self-reliant I allow myself to believe I can be, certain insecurities weigh me down. Trust is again something I can't see anymore.

I've got a little secret, floating in the back of my mind,

hitting me hard, when I'm feeling most strongly attached.

I've never truly stopped trusting you.