You give me that. When everything else in my life is breaking me down, pulling me under, and making me slowly crack into pieces... I spend a few moments with you, and suddenly... none of that matters. You put everything at ease, make everything calm again. The sense of bliss and happiness that you give me quickly makes me forget whatever pain I have to deal with when I'm not with you. That’s why I find it so hard sometimes that I can’t see you right away and might have to wait days when all I really need is you for at that one certain moment. Although the thought of you can easily distract my mind into ease, it’s still so difficult without that physical presence I sometimes really ache for.

I mean, I have amazing friends that I know deep in my heart that I can rely on no matter what... and I do take comfort in that. But there's something about the person you're in love with that give you something else. It's the three words you ache to hear in the time of need. It's the touch of the hand, and the linking of the fingers in times of hopelessness that revive your sense of hope. It's the soft kiss on the head that make you feel light as a feather as if the weight of the world on your shoulders has now been lifted.

Part of me is conscious about trying not to depend on you so much for this reason, because what if one day, which might be too inevitable to happen... we get into a mishap, and you're now the reason I feel so much hurt and disappointment? I never want to depend on you so much that if and when a day like that comes, I just become so utterly and completely lost. I still want to make sure that part of me remains where I can find my own strength. I can be okay no matter what. I just get scared... I've realized that this is finally the love better than anything I've ever dreamed of having for myself... but practicality tells me that although it's a dive worth taking, still build yourself strong enough that when you really need it, you're still in tact after the crashes.

No one should ever break down this way. As if the whole world is crushing you so tight, that when you finally let it release, the hurt is greater than anything you've ever imagined.

My insecurities have a way of harshly revealing themselves when over a little slightly drunk. The next morning, I only have a recollection of how I acted, but not the exact details of what I said... err, shouldn't have said. I wish I could stop doing that.