I Keep Waiting

I really needed to see this.

"Don't lower your standards just because you're so tired of being single."

But then this came along.

"Just get drunk. Then everyone's perfect!"

It's 12AM, and staying in is not an option.

Some of the prettiest beaches are approximately 8 miles away. EIGHT miles. And how many times have I taken advantage of the fact that they're an arm length away? Probably less than the fingers on my hands. Totally unacceptable. It didn't hit me until just this past week how truly amazing the ocean is... how lively the city is around it at night because people are either going to a bar, clubbing with friends, clubbing to look for something else, eating at 24 hour donuts places, eating at food joints that close at 2:30 am. So un-Irvine like. So so much better.

A big part of me wishes I was 21 already so I can just go to a bar, openly meet people, and not quickly turn the other direction when a guy yells "HEY YOU in the stripes! YOU!" directly to you and then decides to walk quickly after you. I'd much rather turn to him, flip my hair, and go "I have a name that I respond to, but since I won't be giving it to you, please go yell at something else." Then walk off and laugh. Okay maybe not, but hey, there's something intriguing about the whole thing.

First day on the job... Pretty happy. I mean, i'd probably be delighted whatever it was... with the shithole economy, I was beginning to find it impossible to get hired again. NINE months without work was such an eye-opener. Eh I lost such a huge part of me that kept me solid... my independence. Don't give up for all you still trying to find a job! It will happen.



I think coffee and me are just meant to be. I got placed as the one who works the coffee bar. Tea can come later. For Starbucks, we had 3 teas to choose from. It was tea, syrup, and water. For 85, there's a million different teas, plus adding milk... never had to do that before. And a million ways you can combine it. Hahahah, I think i'll give that another week.

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round
Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer, To get through it all.

It's not that I don't believe in love. I think I believe in it too much.
It's just that my Mr. Right-Now hasn't come along yet. They've always been Mr. Now. And why would I let myself start a relationship that had nothing "Right" about it.

Something

You could have been something I was good at.

5, 7, 5

So the past few days we've been doing some brainstorming for an upcoming show in theater. Today's assignment was to think about your greatest fear within yourself and to write a haiku about it. Our director's example was his fear of failing others by standing by and watching them fail. With only ten minutes left in the period, and being that, I didn't do as I was asked to think of my greatest fear the night before, I began thinking way under pressure. Without too much over-thinking, I let my mind wander and put my first thoughts on paper. As soon as I turned it in, I wanted to snatch it back. I realized just how dark and personal it was... Sometimes you keep your fears so under control and under denial that it tends to surprise you when it finds its way out of your heart.

Standing with shadows,
I cannot bear the feeling,
Being alone, just them.

I guess Miss Independent isn't all she's cracked out to be.

Five Minutes

No, I'm not implying the swine flu scare. Nor am I even talking about graduation.
It's just what it is. I think it's beautiful, actually.