Sometimes there's a bigger picture. And if you don't try to see it, you can't blame anyone else for the hurt you put on yourself.

After all is said and done... It's difficult, I let you down.

Reckless

Ahh I don't mean to abandon you, blogspot. You're still the only place I keep my most personal thoughts in... since tumblr is more of a, "oh I like this quote/picture, it might even pertain to my life" thing. So....

Maybe one reason I haven't put down in words what I've been feeling lately is because... I have this strange superstitious belief that if I express it out loud, the good will disappear. I guess in the past, I correlated good things ending to me saying it out loud to someone else. It sounds kind of dumb, but you gotta do what it takes to keep things in your life right? Even if it's through irrational thoughts. Maybe. But all I will say is that... things happen that you can't help and sometimes you have to let yourself stop thinking so much that you won't find every wrong reason to push it away.

Of course things can't always run 100% smoothly. You can't make everyone happy... I don't want to lose you, but I can't be selfish... If being away from me is what you need, I have to understand that. I'm just sorry things turned out this way. We all know it's nobody's fault but you can't help but feel your gut turn when you know you were a part of someone else's pain... Someone you took into your life permanently. And now, you can't even be a part of their life without hurting them.

Hope for the best? I sure am.

I am terrified of finding the day where someone else is my weakness.
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Crushed

I just want to... I want to apologise beforehand. I'm sorry that my past disappointments are going to make me test you... Make me guard myself at times you don't deserve it. Everything that made me doubt this in the past is going to play a big part in how I handle looking for something to prove me wrong. That doesn't mean that I want you to be in the bad end of my uncertainties.
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Self Deception

The last time I tried to keep myself from getting attached... it backfired on me. Badly. It took no less than 6 months for to have that much needed closure. Sometimes what they say is true. The only way to get over someone is either time or someone else. Someone else that makes you realize there's better out there. Do I have issues letting myself fall dependent on someone else? Unbelievably. So I guess I'm trying to tell myself that next time, just... just stop lying to yourself. Because you don't want to get to the point that once you finally accept what's in front of you, it'll be too late.

Vague

Right now I'm in the in-between. Do I move forward and risk the worst... Or do I stop this now while I still have a little control. The thing is, I do know what I want. But one part, probably my practical shoulder, is saying think hard first... It was just a lot nicer when no thinking was involved. But that can't go on for long.
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