Spinning

"Did you ever put out your arms out and spin & spin really really fast and then you stop and you just smile because you don’t know what’s going on?"

Yeah we all need those sometimes.
Lately, I feel like I have no real reasons for the things I do anymore. Not that it always needs a good reason, but I don't know. It just seems impaired. I've never second-guessed my own instincts this much before. It's hard to limit yourself and be okay with it when you don't know what it is you're defending yourself against. Thank goodness no one expects to understand blog babbles because great. Now i'm more confused than I was when I tried to make sense of this in writing.

What today really means to me...

Hey, it's almost perfect. Every 14th of February, my boyfriends Ben & Jerry never disappoint. :)

Soar Above the Sky

I'm breathing through phlegm-filled airways.
My voice is lower than acceptable.
I'm in the middle of a show throughout this sick streak.
I can't find a job.
I'm in credit card debt, and can't allow my parents to keep paying for it right now.
The school day has been going ridiculously slow for me every day.
Calculus makes me want to stab myself.
The shows are keeping me away from my friends, family, and my sanity.
I'm torn not having the chance to be there for someone when they need it.
I still daydream about that perfect guy i've made up in my mind since there's really nothing else going on in that department.
I want to give more to the people I have in my life.

But at the end of the night, after I get off that stage, and someone pulls me away, and says, "You were phenomenal," taking a while to actually take those words to heart, I see that they were genuinely affected, and if I can make just one person laugh, or a whole audience entertained for a night... I can kiss that stress-list goodbye. I can act as if it's nothing to me, small or big show, but really, it's everything.