Enough

I guess I am a little bummed that I didn't get to attend the TCA's this year. I mean, it's not like a super grandiose show with classy people or anything. If anything, it's just a silly show where the voting system is stupid because it's based off of well, teenagers. But it's the moments you realize you're two feet away from someone you've spent countless hours watching on a screen that makes them real, and that makes the whole experience unforgettable... not the completely obnoxious, high pitched screaming, embarassing fans those well-known people have.

But there was another feeling that I remember came over me at last year's awards that kinda took me by surprise... a hint of jealousy... and a strong overwhelming feeling of pressure. I looked at those kids around me, see all the fans going crazy over their every move, and think... how did they get so lucky, so young? Don't get me wrong, my passion for acting was never about fame. When I fantasize about being a successful actor, I'm not thinking glamorous red carpets and popularity. I'm thinking of getting paid for what I love to do. I'm thinking of people emotionally being moved to my character on screen.

It's just, when I see all these young actors being so successful (and yes, some of them do deserve all the success in the world, and some... well, if it's not talent, it's looks... or luck), all I'm thinking is, "I'm older than they are now. And look where I am. Not even close." Yeah I can probably honestly say, that being at that show brought as much frustration as it did excitement to me that night. My old theater director would always tell every one, "you are enough." But when is that enough?