I could possibly be living one of my biggest fears... Feeling left behind, as if I allowed myself to fuck up in the end because I know I didn't bust my ass in school to end up here. Today, I thought, what can I do to change things now? Anything to get me out of going to a community college. UCSB is out of the question one because, I needed an intent to register months before and two, even with financial aid, there's no way I can pay for it myself. (Parents' money not an option).
And then I thought, well, at least go to a cal state! Save the university for grad school. I mean its not like I need to save up for an elite school for what I plan on doing for my future... But wow silly me, of course Fullerton can't accept me now. Their mandatory orientation was a long while ago. And I'm not even sure how much I'll get from financial aid.
Shit. If I wasn't so blindsided by the hopefulness of my dreams these past months, I would've had this reality check a lot sooner. Now I have to step it up, make tons of phone calls, muster up my best negotiating skills from nineteen years and hope that my god, things will turn out all right.
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