Roll the window down...

It's so hard for me to just sit here when I constantly think about how different things will be even months from now. The differences that I want to happen. I just want life to start, is that so bad? I was driving to LA last night... btw, driving by yourself is so liberating. Just the process of driving off some place on your own accounts for a big part of that excitement. The traffic killed that mood, but right when I reached the 101 hollywood freeway, my heart jumped again. I wanted to slow down and just breathe it all in. I guess the city has always fascinated me... even the dirty, l0ck-your-doors areas are part of the big picture... a picture so beautiful. So for a good while today, I spent looking at places to rent... it's not easy, but I know it's out there. I still have my doubts, of course, but there's no way in hell anything's going to stop me from doing what I have to do.

Starting from when I was a kid, I've always had that mindset where I made sure I didn't depend on anyone too much. And as I got older, that sense of independence became more and more clear. I have dreams of living on my own.. as I've said before, I love driving with just me, good music, and a neverending road... drinking a latte at a cafe with a good book... hell, I even often go to the bathroom by myself. Baffling I know. But really, I just think at this age, 18 going on 19... there's no better time to find yourself. Even if that means getting hurt and kicking yourself in the process. If I can't eat three meals a day because I can't support myself that way, then so be it. The key phrease here is "support myself." That I'm willing to do whatever it takes. And maybe part of it is, i've always been a romantic. And there is something so deeply romantic about leaving everything behind to find your own way.

Don't get me wrong, I also have the worst homesickness there is. Oh, why.