Same Ol' Things Got Me Going Crazy

Summer's not the time to be thinking about what millions ways my life could go wrong in the next year is it? But how come at the end of the night, it's those same thoughts repeating itself in my head... Is it so wrong to choose happiness over stability? Passion over caution? I keep putting my priorities off, hoping that I don't have to deal with it now. But my god, my summer will collapse if I don't stick with a plan now.

On another note, watching the end of Confessions of a Shopaholic just gave me this immense surge to want a guy that will tell me, "she's not you" when I ask him why he's not with her. Such a simple, not even that romantic part of a movie, surprisingly made me :(. Oh, and a British accent? Never goes wrong.

It's Never So Simple

I was in the car with my mom the other day and she just kept talking on and on, asking about things on and on... and then after a while, she shuts off the radio and asks, "What's wrong?". I say "Nothing" and turn the radio back on. She shuts it off again and keeps asking me what's wrong... telling me that I look completely lost and upset about something. And after about the third "What's wrong?" I'm crying and I don't know why. She's like "My baby!!!! WHAT'S WRONG? NOW YOU'RE CRYING" and I can't even talk, I avoid making eye contact by staring out the window and shuffling around to grab whatever tissues are lying around the car.

I hate hate HATE being asked those two words. Because when the water works come, it's unstoppable, and you sit and think... Wait. What the hell. I guess I was having one of those really bad days for no reason, or for every reason. Then my mom goes on to say, "Are you pregnant? Because... because if you are, i've been wanting to have a baby around for awhile now." Okay mom. No, that's... that's not it.

I Keep Waiting

I really needed to see this.

"Don't lower your standards just because you're so tired of being single."

But then this came along.

"Just get drunk. Then everyone's perfect!"

It's 12AM, and staying in is not an option.

Some of the prettiest beaches are approximately 8 miles away. EIGHT miles. And how many times have I taken advantage of the fact that they're an arm length away? Probably less than the fingers on my hands. Totally unacceptable. It didn't hit me until just this past week how truly amazing the ocean is... how lively the city is around it at night because people are either going to a bar, clubbing with friends, clubbing to look for something else, eating at 24 hour donuts places, eating at food joints that close at 2:30 am. So un-Irvine like. So so much better.

A big part of me wishes I was 21 already so I can just go to a bar, openly meet people, and not quickly turn the other direction when a guy yells "HEY YOU in the stripes! YOU!" directly to you and then decides to walk quickly after you. I'd much rather turn to him, flip my hair, and go "I have a name that I respond to, but since I won't be giving it to you, please go yell at something else." Then walk off and laugh. Okay maybe not, but hey, there's something intriguing about the whole thing.

First day on the job... Pretty happy. I mean, i'd probably be delighted whatever it was... with the shithole economy, I was beginning to find it impossible to get hired again. NINE months without work was such an eye-opener. Eh I lost such a huge part of me that kept me solid... my independence. Don't give up for all you still trying to find a job! It will happen.



I think coffee and me are just meant to be. I got placed as the one who works the coffee bar. Tea can come later. For Starbucks, we had 3 teas to choose from. It was tea, syrup, and water. For 85, there's a million different teas, plus adding milk... never had to do that before. And a million ways you can combine it. Hahahah, I think i'll give that another week.

Sometimes I wonder what lies ahead
How long till my hunger is fed
They say it's hard to make it in this part of town
So many people on this merry-go-round
Some folks try astrology
Some turn to crystal balls
To find an answer, To get through it all.

It's not that I don't believe in love. I think I believe in it too much.
It's just that my Mr. Right-Now hasn't come along yet. They've always been Mr. Now. And why would I let myself start a relationship that had nothing "Right" about it.

Something

You could have been something I was good at.