Not So Out of Reach

To have my own personal secretary is a part of any future I want for myself. It's like, once I have that... I will know I've made it. However lame it might sound, it's better to set your mind on something than thinking it's out of your reach. Having said that, dammit. For now I must make my own phone calls to check up on my insurance. Sometimes aren't you just too lazy to deal with people? Seriously.
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Let The Records Keep Playing

I keep getting really annoying headaches every time I decide to sleep, and sleep... and sleep some more for a day. Maybe it's the universe telling me to get off my ass and stop wasting away. Or, it really is bad for you to sleep that much. Whatever it is, it's a deathly cycle because headaches make me want to sleep even more. Grr.

Finally upgraded my BB Curve to the new BB 8900. I could've waited to save up for the Tour... but once I set my eyes on something, and am capable of getting that something, it's mine. Now. But I absolutely adore this new BB, and I am in love all over again. When I first got my old BB two years ago, i'd have countless blogs just to say "I love my blackberry." Now, I didn't think it'd be possible to be this infatuated with a piece of machinery. To me, it's my world. Until I find that special someone of course... he'd still come second. Hah, I'm terrible. :)

Just bought Michael Jackson's "Dangerous" album. As much as I love to download music just as much as the next person... There is something so different and special about owning an album. Maybe CD's will be the next generation's collectible vinyl records or something. It just feels exhilirating to have. Or maybe i'm just a dork and find ways to make everything sound cooler than it is.

Money (Or the lack of) Sucks...

Working five days a week now on a pretty solid schedule, finally. Something I could get used to. And it is. It's a good thing when work is just a strand in your everyday life that you have no room to complain. I enjoy mostly everyone's company. I could just goof the hell off and not feel like a total fool. My manager's hilarious to be around, and she made me and her fantastic yogurt this morning which was very nice indeed. Working at the coffee again ain't so bad after all.

I overdrafted again. Apparently ATM's don't include your pending payments so I kept sliding and sliding... Parents called me furious as hell, got me in a horrible mood that whole day so I secluded myself away from communication with the world... then got over it. The manager at wamu was a nice lady, and I put my very best sad face on.. and she took off half the charges. It's still a bummer to think that I worked two days to feed the bank when I could be feeding me though.

I love how every time you get completely shitfaced and feel terrible, the words that come out of your mouth may be "I will never drink again..." Then not too long later, you seem to forget about all of that and do it all over again. Hello to the last three weeks. Except after a certain shitty thing happened one night, I'm from now on making sure I don't let myself get so vulnerable in the company of ANY guy. Boys are boys. That won't change. Fuck you btw, you seem to think I don't remember or know what happened, but if I ever see you again... I don't think I can help myself but to put you in your place. I'm digusted.

Anyways, here's to a wonderful summer.

Same Ol' Things Got Me Going Crazy

Summer's not the time to be thinking about what millions ways my life could go wrong in the next year is it? But how come at the end of the night, it's those same thoughts repeating itself in my head... Is it so wrong to choose happiness over stability? Passion over caution? I keep putting my priorities off, hoping that I don't have to deal with it now. But my god, my summer will collapse if I don't stick with a plan now.

On another note, watching the end of Confessions of a Shopaholic just gave me this immense surge to want a guy that will tell me, "she's not you" when I ask him why he's not with her. Such a simple, not even that romantic part of a movie, surprisingly made me :(. Oh, and a British accent? Never goes wrong.

It's Never So Simple

I was in the car with my mom the other day and she just kept talking on and on, asking about things on and on... and then after a while, she shuts off the radio and asks, "What's wrong?". I say "Nothing" and turn the radio back on. She shuts it off again and keeps asking me what's wrong... telling me that I look completely lost and upset about something. And after about the third "What's wrong?" I'm crying and I don't know why. She's like "My baby!!!! WHAT'S WRONG? NOW YOU'RE CRYING" and I can't even talk, I avoid making eye contact by staring out the window and shuffling around to grab whatever tissues are lying around the car.

I hate hate HATE being asked those two words. Because when the water works come, it's unstoppable, and you sit and think... Wait. What the hell. I guess I was having one of those really bad days for no reason, or for every reason. Then my mom goes on to say, "Are you pregnant? Because... because if you are, i've been wanting to have a baby around for awhile now." Okay mom. No, that's... that's not it.

I Keep Waiting

I really needed to see this.

"Don't lower your standards just because you're so tired of being single."

But then this came along.

"Just get drunk. Then everyone's perfect!"

It's 12AM, and staying in is not an option.

Some of the prettiest beaches are approximately 8 miles away. EIGHT miles. And how many times have I taken advantage of the fact that they're an arm length away? Probably less than the fingers on my hands. Totally unacceptable. It didn't hit me until just this past week how truly amazing the ocean is... how lively the city is around it at night because people are either going to a bar, clubbing with friends, clubbing to look for something else, eating at 24 hour donuts places, eating at food joints that close at 2:30 am. So un-Irvine like. So so much better.

A big part of me wishes I was 21 already so I can just go to a bar, openly meet people, and not quickly turn the other direction when a guy yells "HEY YOU in the stripes! YOU!" directly to you and then decides to walk quickly after you. I'd much rather turn to him, flip my hair, and go "I have a name that I respond to, but since I won't be giving it to you, please go yell at something else." Then walk off and laugh. Okay maybe not, but hey, there's something intriguing about the whole thing.